Get Off the Internet, Arthur- It's Valentine's Day
by slash mania
Summary: Sometimes, Arthur really shouldn't take what's posted on the Internet so seriously. After finding an article that details the qualities of a good couple, the Point Man decides to see if what he and Eames have can make the grade- of course, it would have been nice if he mentioned that to his dear Forger. Arthur/Eames slash.


A.N- I'm breaking my 'no writing fan fiction during the semester' rule because Valentine's Day was three days ago. I really wanted to post a Valentine's fic! So, I'm doing that right now. This was inspired by something I saw on the news and then found again on a website. It was a story about how happy couples manage to stay together, breaking it all down to how many times the couples say 'I love you' or the number of arguments that occur.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inception. Really. It would be a nice thought, but no!

Get Off the Internet, Arthur- It's Valentine's Day.

Sometimes, Arthur really hated the Internet.

It was a tool. The Point Man used it to acquire information that normally would be out of the less informed or skilled person's reach. Arthur always made it a point to have both of those qualities in great abundance. He was always informed and believed that his skills were at the top level- there was a reason he was known as the best Point Man in dream-share circles.

One day, Arthur found an article while he had been doing the research for the upcoming Extraction. This article shouldn't have mattered very much- it was just something that Arthur would have swept over and ignored if Valentine's Day hadn't been approaching. It was something that had been done before as the holiday drew ever closer- different things that walked and talked like news reports presented facts and figures about relationships and love.

This particular article stated that good couples kissed or said "I love you" ten times a week.

Arthur had been about to skip over this little useless tidbit of information in favor of better things- things that focused on work and the money he would be earning for that work- but he had found himself staring at the screen and the supposedly correct information about what made a good couple.

If he were honest with himself, he would have admitted that he was just a little bit interested. Could it be true? How accurate could the figures be? The wheels were turning and Arthur couldn't stop the idea now- it was firmly planted in his mind, better and more effective than an Inception! There was something to be said about 'not thinking of elephants.'

"Do not think of this article," he repeated to himself. He clicked the little 'x' at the corner of the window and closed the webpage. Arthur could still see the text, the bullet-point list, and the cute picture of a 'happy couple', as if it had been burned into his retinas. Logically, he knew that it couldn't be true, but that didn't stop him from cursing.

An idea was a very infectious and crafty little thing. Since he had learned this information, he couldn't un-learn it. He also was possessed with a single idea, like the first was spawning…

He had to know if these "facts" were true- he had to figure it out as quickly as possible.

Arthur was the best Point Man- he protected his team and looked after every detail. Hadn't he been the one to test Yusuf's compound during the Fischer job? He had allowed himself to be put under and repeatedly woken up with the kick- tilting, tipping, and falling with the team watching Yusuf's demonstration and Eames laughing at Arthur's ungraceful flailing.

Arthur stopped thinking. He almost stopped breathing. Eames.

_Eames, Eames, Eames, Eames!_

The Forger's name was on repeat in his mind. Over and over again, a special chant that became entwined with his need to discover the truth behind this article's claims. Arthur knew who he was going to run this test with- Eames was perfect. The man had been relentless in his chase for Arthur's affections, teasing him mercilessly, never leaving him be…

Arthur smiled to himself and shut down his laptop. He had a little over a week to do his work- one week to find out if this article could possibly be accurate. Because while he usually fought the Forger with every fiber of his being, Arthur knew that they were a great team, a pair, and a duo that worked as an essential part of the dream team.

Now, Arthur was going to find out exactly how well they measured up to this article's standards as a couple.

* * *

Eames had spent the whole day trailing after the mark's nearest and dearest gal pal- he wanted to observe her closely, see if he could pick up on a few of her mannerisms, and then head back to the warehouse to practice with the PASIV.

When he stepped through the door, the first thing he noticed was the flowers.

Bunches of pure white calla lilies were decorating the desk he had chosen to sit at. The folder full of Arthur's carefully complied information about their mark was exactly where he left it, but now was covered with the heavy blooms and speckled with pollen. The Forger smiled and looked over to the only person present in the warehouse.

"Looks like I received gifts from an admirer," he said smoothly to Arthur. The Point Man was busy typing at his laptop and only looked up at him briefly. His eyes flicked from the flowers to the pleased Forger.

"It appears that you can state the obvious quite well too, Mr. Eames."

This made Eames's smile widen. "Oh, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur!" he said while shaking his head, "Did you happen to see who delivered these?" He plucked one flower off the desk and admired it.

"I'd love to know who put so much effort into finding me so many when they aren't grown locally."

Though Arthur only hummed in response, focusing on his work once more, Eames was able to catch sight of the pleased smile that slowly spread across the other man's face.

* * *

"I believe that Arthur is courting me," Eames said to the busy Chemist. Yusuf was carefully administering single droplets of one chemical into a line of beakers that contained another type. The man looked like the perfect mad scientist; wearing what could pass as a lab coat, thick goggles to protect his eyes, and a heavy set of gloves with a matching apron.

Eames was sitting on a countertop wearing a similar getup so he could chat with the Chemist and not suffer any permanent injuries if something happened to explode. When any of Yusuf's work happened to be in the _extremely experimental, 'what will happen if I just add a little more of _this_ chemical?'_ stages, there happened to be a decent amount of explosions. And there had been that one time when Yusuf had set his own hair on fire, losing half an eyebrow in the process. But the Forger needed the other man's input. The subject might be worth the loss of an eyebrow or two.

The Chemist put down his pipette and sighed heavily. He looked over his shoulder at Eames.

"And what would make you think that? You've been after him for years and the only responses the man's given you run from open disdain to mild annoyance. What, did he _not_ insult you today?"

"Actually Yusuf he wrote me a letter. Um, he may not have used the word 'courting' but I just can't think of another term to describe his behavior."

This caught Yusuf's attention.

"Did you bring it with you?"

The Forger, fumbling with his gloves, extracted the letter from his pocket, and passed it to the other man. Yusuf took it, using a long pair of tweezers to pick it up and carefully put it on this work table. He was treating it with care and caution, as if it was a bomb that was in danger of going off. Yusuf leaned over the letter, frowning as he read the perfect handwriting, the looping cursive letters that filled the page in neat lines. After he was finished, he looked up and over to Eames.

"He wants to take you to dinner."

Eames nodded. Yusuf felt that he had to gain further clarification, just in case. He may have read through the note a couple of times, but the crumpled edges of the note and the deep creases across the page told a tale of how Eames had read, re-read, and devoured this missive with hungry disbelieving eyes repeatedly. It wouldn't surprise Yusuf if the man could recite the lines of the note on command.

"He has asked you _formally_. Arthur wants to take you somewhere fancy and requests that you dress properly."

Eames nodded once again.

"I've done the research on the place he's mentioned. It's lovely. There's a live jazz band and a dance floor, Yusuf. The food is amazing and customer reviews report that the place is romantic and worth every penny."

Yusuf was just as confused as Eames. "Did he suffer a blow to the head?"

The Forger shook his head, looking like a strange mix of worry and excitement.

"I hope not. I really hope not. He's asked me out on a date! I just can't believe it."

The Chemist looked at the note once again. It read, '_I would like to get to know you better, Mr. Eames. Please join me at eight o'clock and do not be late- the reservations were a little tricky to make on such short notice, but I know that this will be worth the effort.'_

It was already seven o'clock and the Forger didn't look ready to go anywhere that had received such high ratings and boasted live musical entertainment. Yusuf heaved a heavy and put-upon sigh, stomping over to Eames to repeatedly jab one finger against the man's chest.

"Do I _look_ like your fairy god-mother, Eames? Do I? Get out of this lab and into a shower- dress in something that Arthur won't frown over, and take this chance for what it is!"

Eames smiled slightly. "A gift?"

"I still say that the man has to have had an injury! Or maybe all of the years working with Cobb have caught up to him and he's not only the best Point Man, but the most insane!"

Eames chose to ignore the comment that suggested Arthur would have to be nuts to ask him out. Even though he was still a little stunned, Eames hopped off of the counter and pulled off the gloves, apron, and set of goggles that Yusuf had forced on him when he had come for advice. Now he had it- go on the date with Arthur, see what happens, and stop thinking the worst of the situation.

* * *

In just a few days, Eames began to feel like the luckiest man alive. His date with Arthur had been wonderful. The Forger had received two more surprises aside from the gift of flowers. One was a new tie that Eames loved and understood that Arthur wouldn't be caught dead in. The second involved a guitar.

Eames hadn't even been aware that the Point Man could play an instrument, and had spent the hours after the completed Extraction listening to Arthur pluck and strum out the notes and melodies to many of his requests while they sat in the warehouse. With the rest of the team in attendance, it had become something sweet and a little comical- stern Arthur, taking off his suit jacket and rolling up his sleeves, looking as sure with a guitar in hand as he had ever been with a gun.

What followed was another invitation to go out together (the second date: going to the movies) and Arthur packing up his laptop and guitar and leaving the warehouse after Eames agreed. The Point Man smiled and waved goodbye to Eames with his free hand before stepped through the open door. When it clicked shut Eames found that both Dom and Ariadne had rushed to his side, looking too curious for their own good. Eames also noticed that his hand was still raised from when he had waved back at Arthur- he let his arm fall back down to his side and faced his interrogators.

"What in the hell is happening to Arthur?" Dom asked, still wide eyed and a little shocked after playing witness to Arthur's behavior. "You don't understand how strange this is, Eames. He hasn't played the guitar since after Mal."

There was something strange about the phrase- in one hand it made sense, but something about it made Eames uncomfortable. It was like the woman had been a season whose time had passed or even a specific point of history that could only be accurately referenced with such terms. That 'before Mal' Arthur had played the guitar and maybe even looked as happy with his fingers skillfully tripping along the strings in the past as he did today. That 'after Mal' he had let the instrument gather dust.

"Well," Eames said, choosing his words with care. "Maybe he's moved on. Maybe playing the guitar doesn't hinge upon Mal so much as how it made him feel?"

Ariadne looked at Eames carefully. It was one of those looks that Eames recognized from Inception, those searching looks she always sent Dom's way. Eames raised an eyebrow at the Architect.

"This isn't a puzzle, Ariadne. Arthur and I are-," but Eames couldn't really finish that sentence. He didn't know what to label it as since it seemed that the definition of their relationship was going through a metamorphosis. They had moved from rivals, to co-workers, teammates, and partners.

Eames had been after Arthur's affections for so long that it was bizarre to have finally reached this point. To be honest, it was a change of pace that Eames didn't mind. After having chased the Point Man for so long and with little reward, it was nice to see the other man performing a little footwork of his own in this steady uphill climb. Yes, Eames was charming but that didn't mean he didn't like to be charmed too.

"Our relationship is a work-in-progress," Eames said, nodding decisively.

Dom still looked suspicious and Ariadne backed off, shrugging her shoulders.

"You have my blessing," the young Architect said graciously, as if the status of the burgeoning relationship relied upon her giving them the okay.

* * *

The date at the movies had been going well until Arthur started an argument. Or, really he began _three_ of them. One, while waiting in line to get the tickets, the second at the snack bar, and then the third when Eames had made a fairly innocent move while leaving the theater. The first argument, if Eames could even call it that, was when they tried to decide which movie to watch- romantic comedy, war movie, science fiction/ horror, or a silent film. Arthur had a problem with each offering, making a snide comment about the actors featured in one while bemoaning the overused story line in another. Eames had tried to be patient but it had ended in an argument- they fell back into their old habits, verbally sparing with each other, until finally they reached a compromise. A game of rock paper scissors decided which film they would see; Eames's romantic comedy or Arthur's silent film. Eames would have lost on purpose to let Arthur have is way, avoiding any hurt feelings and further bickering, but Arthur ended up winning fair and square.

The second argument had been about snacks- Arthur hated eating during movies and Eames wanted something to tide him over until dinner later on. The Point Man disliked the idea of popcorn or any other noisy food because he had paid to watch a movie, not listen to Eames polish off a bucket of popcorn!

When the third argument started, Eames had had enough. They had been walking outside the theater, talking idly about what they would do for dinner. Eames, who had been working himself up to the moment, figured that this would be safe. As Arthur had been smiling over some ironic point of the movie's plot, Eames leaned closer to press a decidedly chaste but firm kiss against the other man's cheek. Arthur had chosen that moment to turn his head and caught the other man's lips with his own.

It would have been funny. It would have been something to laugh over.

Arthur had instead stepped away, breaking that kiss and frowning at the other man.

"Easy," he said, "it's just the second date!"

Eames wasn't sure why this upset him so much. He hadn't intentionally tried to kiss the man full on. "You act like I tried to force my tongue down your throat, darling!"

There really should have been a bell ringing to signal the beginning of the fight.

Arthur glared. "I appreciate that! I'd just like to make sure that I keep some boundaries."

That word made Eames want to groan in despair. Wait, he _did_ do that!

"Arthur," he said in annoyance, "we are both grown men. Neither of us happens to be a terrified virgin and if you hadn't noticed, we have been flirting and dancing around each other for a terribly long time. It was a peck on the cheek and you turned your head at the last second- no harm and no foul!"

"Are you saying that it's my fault?"

Things quickly went downhill from there. They went their separate ways, both angry but more _hurt_ and not wanting to say it. Sometimes anger was an easier emotion to give into in public. The sore feelings and overall upset at the date-gone-wrong were things that could be reflected on in private.

* * *

What started as a Point Man's effort to discover the truth had kind of blown up in his face. Days passed, Arthur looking at the flowcharts, spreadsheets, and whiteboard he had covered with his findings. He had been in a relationship with Eames- they had gone on two dates, shared three romantic surprises, and had three fights. He looked carefully at his lists and even dragged that damning article back up on his laptop. His eyes narrowed when he looked at it, fuming over a job that was unfinished and a plan failed.

Arthur made it a point to never fail. The Point Man was going to try and see this through- he was going to fix things with Eames or die trying! He did the math in his head- it had been three days since the terrible date and he hadn't seen Eames at work or anywhere else.

But, Arthur could find him. He could always find the Forger.

* * *

When Eames next saw Arthur, it was by accident on Valentine's Day.

He had been avoiding meeting the other man- partially because he was still mad, but also because he was embarrassed with himself. He should have known better, been more careful-

And then he slammed right into the Point Man as he exited the grocery store.

His paper sack of groceries not only fell from his arms but spilt open when it hit the ground, decorating the street with his purchases- a dozen eggs still inside their carton broke on impact, an apple rolled into the gutter never to be seen again, and a box of Valentine's candy in a heart shaped box settled on the next to his feet.

Arthur had grabbed at Eames's shoulders and stopped him from taking them both down to the ground with the groceries. After they had both realized who they had run into, neither moved an inch.

"Yusuf keeps taking bets," Eames managed to say.

"Really?" Arthur replied, confused by the topic. "Anything in particular?"

"Usual stuff- that we will meet again on Valentine's because our lives are apparently like a soap opera."

Arthur snorted. "Yes, Eames. I ran away with your evil twin, whom you thought was dead. I'm also pregnant and can't decide who the father is."

"That's terrible."

It took them longer than they would like to admit to let go of one another and survey the damages to Eames's groceries.

"I'm sorry," the Point Man said, looking at the mess, but kneeling down to pluck up the Valentine's candy. After a second spent looking at it, he offered the slightly dented package to Eames. "You know, for running into you- and being such a jerk on that date."

Eames seized upon those words like a drowning man grasping about for any remaining piece of his shipwrecked vessel- in his case, it was whatever was left of their relationship. "No- no, I'm sorry too. I didn't make it any easier."

Arthur frowned at him, pressing the box of candy back into Eames's hands.

"No, Eames. I instigated those arguments. I had read something about good couples- how many dates they go on per month, how many fights, and so forth- so I tried to test the theory."

Eames blinked at the Point Man.

"Come again?"

Arthur cleared his throat and made it a point to lock eyes with the Forger.

"I wanted to see if we were a good couple or not. We were doing pretty well until I started testing the 'three fights' idea."

The Forger forced himself not to gape at him. This- this was just ridiculous! Arthur had to be joking, because it didn't make sense for thorough and quick-witted Arthur to do such a thing.

But, Arthur was giving him his serious face. The frown was in place and his brown eyes were unwavering.

"You," Eames shook his head. "You tried to see if we were a good couple by starting fights?"

Arthur scoffed at Eames's question. "We went on dates, I arranged romantic surprises, and we had at least five deep conversations!"

The Forger raised an eyebrow at the last. "Did we not hit the mark?"

"Ten. Ten deep conversations was what the article suggested. We had two out of three dates. And, well there was the one that suggested that good couples say 'I love you' or kiss ten times a week. We didn't get that far."

There was a short silence that was soon filled with Eames's chuckling. "That's not true, darling."

Arthur was about to argue the point when he understood what the Forger was getting at. They did share the one kiss, accidental as it may have been.

"Alright, one out of ten. Not bad before it blew up in my face. I should have told you."

"Of course," Eames agreed readily. "If you had told me, we would have been able to take care of that part easily."

When Arthur didn't say anything immediately, Eames smiled. "Like you don't _know_ that I love you? That I haven't been dying to give you kisses for every absurd reason I could think of? We are a good couple, darling. But the part you should probably focus on is that we are also so much better when we work together."

Arthur felt that he was missing something. Before he could ask, Eames was kissing him, pulling away to whisper, "_Two_." He was soon pressing his lips against Arthur's again and saying, "_Three_," when he paused for a breath of air. "Perhaps I should throw an 'I love you' in there?"

Arthur started laughing when Eames displayed his mastery of several languages before returning to the most basic language of love- kissing the Point Man again and again.

When they pulled away from each other, flushed and laughing at each other and the looks they were receiving from the passersby on the public street, surrounded by the fallen groceries, and a heart shaped box of Valentine's candy in between them.

"Okay!" Arthur begged. "Okay! I get it- I was stupid for not pulling you in on it! We work better as a team and I will never ever forget it."

Eames looked down at his fallen groceries and then decided that they didn't matter. He instead wrapped one arm around the Point Man's waist, the candy in his other hand, and began to walk with him down the street. "You could make it up to me in several creative ways, darling."

Arthur smirked at the other man. "And what did you have in mind? Did you want me to play guitar for you again? Write you poetry? Buy you a thousand tacky ties?"

Eames thought about it carefully and then pressed lips close to Arthur's ear, whispering his request. "Never read crap off the internet and test it without telling me. Now, let's have a great Valentine's Day. I think that you could agree that we have both gone above and beyond and deserve to enjoy it."

The End.

A.N- I wrote that last night- finished it at four in the morning after I drank a pot of coffee…I apologize for any errors or inconsistencies. I just thought that the idea was cute for a Valentine's fic.

So, read, review, and tell me what you think!

slash mania


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